Why Care for TCKs? (Jo Clifford)

Have you ever broken your little finger or a little toe? Or have you strained a muscle in your hand? If you never have…well it is painful experience and actually handicaps you in more ways than you ever thought. Today I want to talk about a part of the body of Christ that could almost be the little toe of a body. Not very noticeable, but if you take it away or it gets injured, the body can overbalance and hurt itself.

Hello and welcome to today’s programme. This is MemCare by Radio and in today’s programme we will be discussing why we should be caring for TCKs as well as missionaries.

One day, while I was working at a college, I decided it would be fun to do a practical joke on some of my student friends. What I knew and many others didn’t know, was that you could lift the bedroom doors off their hinges, so I decided to do just that. So when everyone was in a meeting I went to their bedrooms and lifted the doors off the hinges and hid them in the storage cupboard further down the corridor. I only realised later that I had actually strained a muscle in my thumb.

For the next week I had to be very careful in using my hand.  I couldn’t type without pain, couldn’t play the guitar, and couldn’t even hold things properly. And when people seeing the bandage kindly asked what I had done to myself, it was very awkward having to admit I had done the injury to myself while doing a practical joke. What impacted me most from this experience was not how well the practical joke worked, but rather how such a little injury affected my whole life and body for that week until it healed.

So what does that have to do with our programme today? I would like to propose that TCKs living abroad with their parents are often treated as the little toe within the Body of Christ. These are people we see photos of, but don’t always recognise them when they actually are in front of us.

So why care for Third Culture Kids?

Well, the first thing to say is that TCKs exist. After the first commandment to love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind, there is the commandment to love your neighbour as yourself. The TCK is the long distance neighbour that needs to be loved.

Next there are the parents of the TCK. These are the people who are on the frontline of mission as well as being in a foreign country. If their children are unhappy it will be difficult for the parents to complete their assignment. In fact, in a study in 1997 of missionary workers called REMAP I, it was found that amongst the top three reasons for missionary workers returning to their passport culture were missionary children and their educational needs. If we don’t support missionaries and their families there will be a high rate of attrition – families returning to their passport culture.

The final reason for caring for TCKs is that there is their amazing potential. With their cross-cultural upbringing they have great advantages in this ever-shrinking world of globalization. They are often multilingual, they have had multicultural experience, have a wide world view and often have good leadership skills. All these skills are not only of benefit in the work place, but are also beneficial to the church.

So what can you do as an individual? If you are living with the TCK in the host culture you can help the TCK in many practical ways. First and foremost being a listening ear outside the TCKs family situation is extremely valuable. I remember one of my school teachers inviting me for tea and cake one afternoon and asking me how I felt about a big move that our family was going to make in the next few weeks. She spent the afternoon just listening. It is something I have never forgotten. Another practical idea might be giving them the opportunity to have work experience. Often in host cultures expat children are not allowed to work. As I was growing up I had the opportunity to take part in the overhaul of a plane. This taught me working a full day…and not just stopping there, but continuing over several days.

How about the spiritual input? TCKs need not only spiritual input from their parents, but also from the people around them. Can you run a youth group or a Bible study? One of the biggest impacts in my spiritual life was a Bible study that a missionary set up for the older teens in our town. He showed us how to really study the Bible and understand it for ourselves. If we didn’t understand it…where to find some answers.

The other thing to say to you as a worker in the host country is that you are a role model for the TCK whether you like it or not, whether you are single or married and whatever age you are. This is especially true if you are the same nationality. What do I mean by this? For example, for a while I grew up in an isolated village. There were mainly German missionaries there and my parents and the local people of course. There were no expat teenagers in the village as there was only primary schooling available. So all that I knew about the western lifestyle was from those missionaries. When we later moved so I could go to secondary school I realized that I didn’t know anything about being a teenager as I hadn’t really lived with any. Therefore, I didn’t know how to behave as one!

What can you do as an organization? I would like to recommend that you send the missionary family as a whole to a pre-field orientation seminar. Children need preparation as much as their parents, whatever age they are. I have seen young children regress in behavioural age, or wetting their beds, or having panic attacks due to lack of preparation before arriving in a new country. It is good also for the organization (maybe one assigned person) to keep in regular contact with the TCK and not just the parents while in the host country. When the family returns to the passport culture not only is it good for the parents to have debriefing, but also the children. Any preparation for entry to the passport culture is also helpful.

These are just some ideas of many that can be expanded upon. Be creative. Think outside the box. It is often the little things rather than the big things that make a difference in the end.

There is an African proverb which encapsulates what I am trying to say: “When it is not your mother who is in danger of being eaten by the wild animal, the matter can wait until tomorrow.” Until now we have waited until tomorrow for the care of TCKs due to all sorts of factors, whether lack of finances, lack of personnel or lack of experience. Please make it a priority. TCKs have existed as long as there have been people working overseas. What are you going to do for them?

RECAP

To summarize then: Why should we care for Third Culture Kids? Firstly they are people who are part of the body. Secondly the work of mission is affected by their needs. And thirdly Third Culture Kids have an enormous potential and we can help them fulfill it.