TCK/CCK 2 of 3 - Access Points

Hi I'm Scott Hollinger.  I'd like to welcome you once again to MemCare by Radio.   Today we conclude our discussion with Perry Bradford of Barnabus International on helping teens transition into the next phase of their life.  Perry provides oversight of an organization known as MuKappa that ministers to kids of overseas Christian workers and helps these teens as they transition back into their parents’ home country to begin university or the next chapter in their life. 

Today Perry talks about helping the children of overseas workers exit well from the country they have lived in and some of the helps available from organizations like Barnabus International for our kids upon entry into their passport country.  A bit of warning on this program - we were not able to hold this interview in a studio and used only one microphone so the quality is not exactly what I would like to have, but I'll let you know that it is very clear and listenable and the information Perry offers is so excellent that we wanted to get this out to you as quickly as possible, especially for those of you who are currently facing this issue in the next few months.  So now hear Perry and me as we talk about this issue.

The city gate was a place of entrance or exit and the Third Culture Kid has kind of this right of passage at this transition stage in his life when he's leaving his country and heading back.  So there's an exiting point that's really necessary and we talked a little bit about the fact you really do need to do your homework and do the work that's necessary to leave well.  I can't state how important that is, as you're exiting your country of service, to really allow your children to do what it takes to exit well.  We can also prepare them to enter well too.  That's why we offer some of the reentry seminars that we offer.  It is important right at that crucial time they've just left the field and maybe have only been back in the country a week or two.  So we have an entry point for them to where we can sit down and we can talk about their feelings, emotions and their expectations as to what it's going to look like for them where they're going to be going to school or the kind of job they're going to be going to.  I'd encourage families overseas to look for those entry points for their kids, places of entry.  Some universities will do some sort of orientation for MKs or international students; that would be important I think if your student is headed off to college.  Is there anything offered for an orientation for them as kind of an international person?  Those can be really helpful.  There are only a few reentry seminars in the United States, but they do help soften that entrance, and so it makes a big difference.  There are a few located in other countries as well.  So doing the homework and investigating on that can be helpful, and encouraging your organization to actually establish a reentry program for your family.  We're talking about kids here, but we as adults also have these issues too that we have to deal with and we're going through emotions as well, so there are some benefits to doing it together - to entering together.

I've had people ask me, you know, “Is it ok to send my child back to the States without me?  Am I going to harm my child if I do?”  I've vacillated on that from time to time, but I've seen it both ways.  I've seen kids who come back, who have done very well while their parents have stayed overseas.  I've seen kids come back and their parents have been in-country with them and it still be a struggle.  So knowing your kid and what your kid’s needs are at that point I think are crucial in preparing the entrance process.  So don't think there's really any one answer that's right there.  I tend to lean to the side of -  go ahead and come back with your child and spend a few months.   If you need to return to the field or send mom back with the daughter or your dad back with the son to get them settled in, it could be really helpful in the process.  I think one thing that kids need to know at that point of entrance is that mom and dad are still with them along the way and if some of these other things we've talked about have been put into place -- guardianship and teaching and access points -- then the entrance is softened a little bit and goes from there.

I guess the way that I think about it, Perry, is you know lets say that I was living in my country of origin -- just had never gone overseas and if I was taking my son to college, I'd drive him there --

You'd drive your son, that's right!

We’re already prepared to do that.  No matter where our son goes to college, we will be going -- the whole family will be going.  But it's not necessarily possible for the Christian worker overseas.  But if one of the parents or maybe even both of the parents can go, I just know -- in fact our son, our son expects it.  And like you said it depends on the family.

I agree.  I think of it as --Let's think of it from the parents perspective now and not from the students perspective.  As a parent, there are some real advantages of having a visual model of where my kid is at, what is his dorm room looks like, how long is it going to take him to walk to class, what does the campus look like, how is his room decorated…  There is a sense that as a parent when we took our daughter to college, we wanted to see those things, you know, to kind of know her world a little bit.  I think that parents that don't come back with their kids and aren’t there to help set that up with their kids in college or an apartment where they're going to live and take on a job, they're at a disadvantage as well because they can't visualize that world that their kids are now living in.  It could potentially lead to a little bit of a disconnect with your kids.  So if at all possible, I'd say to come back with your kids and spend some time with them and let them know that you care.  If it costs some extra money, raise it.  The time would be well spent and the kid will feel valued because of it.  But I have to say, I've seen kids who come back and their parents have sent them back.  They've done their homework ahead of time, everything’s been in place and the kids have done all right.  So it can work either way.  You just really have to know your kid and know what their needs are and your needs as well because I know my wife wouldn't have done well sending any of our kids back alone cause she just wanted to be there as a mom.  She just wanted to see it.  She just needed to see it. 

Now I want to break in right here and just let you know that Perry and I talked a bit off the microphone about this aspect of going back with our kids to help them make the transition.  I'll be very candid and say that I would have a very difficult time just putting my son on a plane and waving good bye to him as he heads off to college.  Well, Perry talked about his organization Barnabas International and provides an example of how they work with colleges and universities in the US and offers advice on how you could possibly make this work in your country of origin. 

Our organization is fortunate to work with about 70 campuses across the country.  We have support groups on these campuses where MKs can gather.  It can be a connecting point for them, and so learning that this is offered at the university or college that your kid is going to is really important.  MuKappa chapters can play the role of a place of entrance for your kids too and that that can be helpful and that can be done, can be found -- these support groups, these encouragement groups don't have to be all MKs either.  They don't have to be all Third Culture Kids.  They can just be quality groups where the kids can get connected and  build a sense of community because that's what they have left behind.  That's what sometimes these chapters will do, and these organizations that are out there that can make it happen.

Campus ministries are not only beneficial for kids’ spiritual formation but when you think about -- if you look back at your own college experience, I know we still have friendships that originated in college.  Where did those come from?  Was it a roommate?  Or was it a community of people that we would run around with that became such good friends?  So you can find those in MuKappa chapters, intervarsity chapters, navigator groups and crusade groups and all that's offered in the university context.  Those can become real quality connecting points for our kids.  Beyond that, they can become great door openers for the future.  When you take any given intervarsity Christian fellowship group, the network of potential job opportunities just by the virtue of an MK meeting someone whose father works for IBM or whose father is an airline pilot, opens up a whole new door of relationships that our kids living overseas don't have much access to.  So you know, that's really important on the entrance side of things for MKs to find some sort of quality community. Again, it can be through the university setting. It can be through a local church setting.  It’s vital, I think, for their transition experience and can be really positive for them.  Some kids choose not to use it, which is too bad, and they walk away from it but the ones that do use it develop some solid relationships.

From my own experience that's probably one of my greatest regrets --  not getting involved in one of the campus Christian organizations that I could have.  To this day, I think, I don't know what I lost.  What could have been?   God still has led and directed me but you know I'm very strong on doing that because I didn't do that.

I just got an email when I got back from lunch, from a guy that I graduated from Moody with, and we've been friends for 30 some years and his father is getting ready to go to glory.  So of all the people he's connected with over his life, he still wanted to write to me -- that all comes out of a relationship that's built at a crucial time in a kid’s life.  When you're 18 to 25, that's when you're really developing an amazingly important decision in that span.  So having quality people around you at that point can make or break it for a kid; and especially a kid who has lived overseas who doesn't have that kind of relationship base.  That's why I think we can do our homework as a family to make it happen.  It does take time and energy and it’s well worth it, though, at the end, when we see our kids really flourishing.  It's pretty cool to watch. 

That’s Perry Bradford of Barnabus International with some great thoughts on helping our kids make the transition back into what we call their passport country, or country of origin.  Perry is with Barnabus International and heads up the organization known as MuKappa, an organization that is designed to help college-age kids who have grown up overseas find help and also fellowship with others who are just like they are.  If you’d like more information on MuKappa and the transition process, you can go to MuKappa.org.  That’s M U K A P P A dot org.  Thank you for listening. Our prayer and desire is that this material has been helpful to you.  We encourage you to listen to our other programs on the site, as well as check out the other resources available to you.  This is MemCare by Radio.