TCK/CCK 1 of 3 - Transition

Hi, I'm Scott Hollinger and today on MemCare by Radio I'll be starting a series with Perry Bradford of Barnabas International.  We'll be talking about helping your child make the transition back to their country of origin or as we often say, their home passport country.  Perry provides oversight of an organization known as Mu Kappa that ministers to kids of overseas Christian workers and helps these teens as they transition back into their parent’s home country to begin university or the next chapter of their life.

Belonging to Mu Kappa for these teens can provide help culturally by providing teens insight into a culture in which they didn't grow up but are expected to know, and also spiritually by helping them bond with those of common background.  And then socially by encouraging social development among their kindred group to build integration skills rather than promote isolationism, and practically by helping to provide a support structure and the practical know-how needed while adapting to the unfamiliar.  Now today Perry looks at various issues young people face and how they can be helped to re-enter life in their home country. 

The transitions that these kids come back with from overseas are obviously major.  They're life changing for some kids.  Some kids feel like they're lost in the middle of the ocean in their transition experience and we're always looking for models of how we can help them with this transition back.  So, our reentry seminars are really helpful for that, but we came across a model of transition - a family that has an MK house up in Reading, Califournia.  They use this model within their home.  The particular house that they manage is a great place for kids to come at the college level and they can actually live for a period of time and then assimilate into the culture and into the life that God has for them.  So, they've come across with this model related to the ancient gate of an ancient city.  The gate of an ancient city was used for a place of meeting, a place of connection; political decisions were made at the gate.  If anyone needed to communicate to people within the city, that was the place to come, so it was a really target spot within the city for a lot of activity.  It was also a place of passage for people who were coming from the wilderness into the city for protection.  If an army was to come and have battle with a particular city, everybody got behind the gate, through the gate to where they could live and just really have a safe environment.  So Dave and Janet looked at this and said this is a really good biblical model for how we can help kids assimilate and transition back into this country and so they came up with an acronym for gate.  ‘G’ being a place of guardianship -- and the gate served that purpose.  ‘A’ being a point of access into a particular (in this case) with MK’s culture or location and the ‘T’ being that the gate was a place of teaching and every MK has skills that he or she really isn't up to date on within the culture and so their needs to be some sort of teaching that takes place in the life of a kid as they transition back, and ‘E’ being a place of entrance.  So those four ideas of guardianship and access and teaching and entrance and even exit are the kind of thing that each MK deals with on just about every transition that they go through.  So it's a really good way to frame the transition experience for an MK and how to help them in the process.  So each of these areas needs some emphasis and they need some direction and they need some care.  We've seen a lot of kids who have come back and have not had any guardianship at all. 

What do you mean when you say they haven't had any guardianship at all?  What do you mean by that?

There are actually families that will send their kids back without any preparation.  They'll put them on a plane from overseas and they'll have applied to colleges or will be coming back to live with a family member and not much preparation has gone into their reentry process.  They're still there.  A lot has been done to help schools and parents and families to do the work on the field.  But the need -- because it's such a major transition in the life of a student, the need for quality guardianship has to be really thought through and some families aren't really doing that well.  When you think of the word guardian you're thinking of a lot of things related to the gate -- protection.  Kids are physically vulnerable when they come back from overseas.  They don't have the tools necessarily to kind of physically maneuver the culture that's out in front of them, or they are obviously emotionally vulnerable at that point.  So what can we do as families to prepare some sort of guardian environment for our kids?  With MKs it's all about the relationships that they have, so in that light what kind of relational connections can we make for our kids prior to their return is the kind of thing that can really make a difference.  Is there anyone that an MK can call or talk to about any specific issue whether it be "I don't know how to pump gas" to "I'm struggling with building relationships at my college"?  Is there someone that they can talk and ask questions to that they know are going to be safe people?  The concept of guardianship is just that - finding relationships and people that we can put in front of our children to be able to say:  These are safe relationships for you to be involved with as you make this transition back.  That's what guardianship can look like in the context of an MK’s transition and that's not easy sometimes for families to do.  They're focused on their ministries.  They're diving into every aspect of their cross cultural life overseas.  Home assignments are few.  They don't come back to this country very often and so it's crucial that time is thought about in preparation for all of this.  Purposeful, proactive planning can be done to help pave the way for good guardianship type of relationships that our kids can have.

I suppose you can look at it too as establishing a mentor or a cultural interpreter for our kids when they come back. They could have people that they could talk to, where no question is out of the realm of asking and you're not going to be embarrassed or put down.  If there's anything that they don't know related to the cross cultural adjustment or emotions or their own personal walk with God, then they're not going to be laughed at and they're going to have more of a mentoring coach in the midst of this transition.  That again would relate to the guardianship kind of philosophy that can be really helpful and might be a family, immediate family member that can provide that.  It might be someone from your donor base -- a support team member that has really cared for your family along the way.  It might be a youth pastor from a local church that could provide that guardianship.  It could also be an on-campus ministry or even the fullness of a local church that could become a guardian for your child; a place where they can get connected and feel love and cared for along the way.

I think mostly too when you think about that, I think about my own kids and that we did plan for some of that but they too as MKs needed to pick up some of that themselves.  They need to be able to desire it.  They need to receive it.   They're welcome and open to it.  I don't think that you can force it.  It has to be a natural relationship that takes place too.  That can sometimes be tough.  We've seen it too where the kids’guardian hasn't necessarily been a person or one family, but it could be a group of MKs on a college campus.  It could be an intervarsity Christian fellowship that's providing part of that guardianship.  Maybe that specific group is providing the spiritual care and nurture in that guardianship program or that guardianship aspect as kids come back.   I had a kid that struggled with vehicles.  He burned through cars like crazy and he needed some help.  He needed someone to be there to look out for him and watch over him.  His parents were still overseas and he didn't know who to trust to take his car to get it fixed.  He just needed a little bit of coaching, a little bit of help, a little bit of care and that was a small thing but it provided an aspect of guardianship.  So that can be in all kinds of arenas.  So you’ve got the physical aspect of their lives and how to maneuver and then you have their emotional well being.  Are they making relationships?  Are they building healthy relationships?  Are they isolating themselves?  A guardian can be there and watch that and see.  They're pulling back, and they're not going out on Friday night with the friends that ask them.  They just stay back in their dorm.  Why is that?  A guardian can actually begin to ask those probing questions or just to nurture them along the way and make the transitions they choose. 

Thank you for listening.  Our prayer and desire is that this material has been helpful to you.  We encourage you to listen to our other programs on this site as well as check out the other resources available to you.  This is MemCare by Radio.